The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep03 - War Cry

Previously on the Berries’ Dilemma

“If you mean sick of our undivided love then, yes, she is” Said Bulu in the most dramatic way.

“Sorry Jizzy, I’m gonna go and meet up with Pussy, I’m gonna go pick up Egg too.” Informed Bulu.

“Isn’t my son in boarding school?” Asked Smelly, curious and confused.

“He was on a break since last week. He’s been spending it with his fiancé.”

“Hey.” It was the only thing that got through my lungs. I was waiting for a reply, patiently waiting, for that single reply.

Episode 3 – War Cry

“HUNNY!” Shouted Smellyberry, she was always famous for being louder than others.

“Where the hell is he when you need him...” Mumbled Smelly, complaining as she continued her search around the humungous mansion.

His grey MYVI was cutting all the cars with ease, ignoring ethics on the road, aiming only at ‘Rock Cafe, Medan’. Bulu needed this. He needed the old ‘Guys’ Night Out’ to calm his messy head. Divorce, changes, being alone, everything was whispering darkness in his simple mind. He was driving at a hundred and sixty kilometre per hour, and for that split moment, nothing mattered, until the Kancil in front on him suddenly stopped. Bulu hit on his brakes as strong as he could, tires were screeching, cars were braking. Despite everything, it was inevitable. Bulu’s MYVI crashed the Kancil in front of him, gravity pulled him from in front, and he lost consciousness. As cars made noises, people rushing in and out to aid, the world continued revolving, as if nothing big had happened, as if no one had gotten hurt.

“Could you say that again?” I spoke to my phone.

“Oi, you ni pekak ke?!” It was the usual Shells’ line.

“No, I just, wanna reconfirm.” I smiled as I said it.

“I, AM, COMING HOME, IN TWO DAYS”

That was it, the confirmation that I desperately needed. Things were finally getting better in the midst of this desert storm, the silverspoon finally made itself visible in this penny. She was coming home, and she could not have picked a better time.
“Ill see you when I see you then.”

I put down the phone, and all I could do was smile.

Jizzy was witnessing his granddaughter in law pouring her heart out confessing to her only son. He listened carefully, but as always, his face was expressionless.

“And that’s about it. I trust that you will be able to carry on fine.You’re all...”She chocked, she teared, Appleberrie could not contain her sadness. She broke down, and cried.

“It’s okay mom, I’ll be fine...” Comforted Mushy as he hugged his mother.

Kittyberry was comforting his wife, who was crying endlessly whilst licking her fingers, fingers filled with curry flavour. Jizzy was continuing his dinner, as if eating pop corn while viewing a soap opera. Apple braced herself up, forced herself to stop crying, but she knew it was useless. Our family head asked the magic question one more time.

“What is actually happening Apple?” Asked Jizzy

“Nothing...Nothing is happening I just...I just..I need a change.” Answered Apple.
“Apple do you have lipstick in ur bag? All this chicken curry is messing up my lipstick” Asked Ribena and before Apple could even answer, Ribena had already taken her bag, inspecting every item carefully and slowly.

“NO DON’T OPEN MY BAG!”

It was too late. Ribena took out the annulment paper, visible to Jizzy’s sharp and big eyes, and put it on the dining table next to her plate. She continued staring the interior of Apple’s handbag.

“OH MY GOD, what is this?!” Asked Ribenaberry, shocked and petrified, and so was her husband, putting on his shocked face expression.

“Please...Don’t tell Straw about this. He was clearly insane when he made the annul-“

“I can’t believe you’re using lipstick cap Abu. It’s very petaling street la!” Scolded Ribena. All apple could do, was sigh in disappointment to Ribena’s random act.

Somewhere complexly far away, coordinated more than one hundred digits in the y axis, stood the man used to be known as Synyster Tan, patiently waiting for his sole bassist. He took a glance at his trustworthy swatch, looked up to the sky; it was grey, there was a heavy rain coming. Waiting was never this hard, he needed to see his friends, he needed a guys’ night out, but it looked as if it was not coming. Pussyberry looked down to the drain, disappointed and lonely.

Smellyberry went back to the dining hall, shamelessly admitted that she got lost while searching for her husband. Jizzy only laughed, for he too got lost sometimes inside his own house. I came into the hall, calm and collected, hiding my real feelings inside. My wife came to me as quickly as she could, and started scolding me for no reason.

“Where the hell were you?! I got lost looking for you!” Scolded Smelly.

“Damn, I thought I was bad with directions.” I said whilst smiling.

“Ugh, you’re unbelievable! Listen I got something important to tell you! It’s our son!”

“What about him?” I asked, confused.

“He’s been living with his fiancé since last week! Apparently, he’s on break!” Confessed Smell.

“It’s okay, Egg is a big boy now. We don’t have to worry about him forever you know.”

Smelly could only sigh, and all I could do was smile. I was ready to go home, with or without my wife, it had been a norm; sleeping alone without her. Sometimes when I got lonely, I would sleep with our family goldfish, goldy, I could not tell if she even knew, I could not tell if she was even home. Jizzy gave a loud cough, as if indicating that he was going to give a very important speech. I could not care, all I wanted was to go home peacefully. The big plan of my surprising divorce, the dramatic plan of getting married with Appleberrie, everything seemed less than feeble to me. I did not know what I was thinking when I planned to marry Apple. I guessed youngsters never knew what they wanted. I looked at Jizzy, bracing myself for whatever crap he was going to say.

“Straw, before you left this hall, you were saying something weren’t you? What was it again?” Asked Jizzy sarcastically, pretending as if he never knew.

“Oh...that... I er..I wanted to say that I want a...Holiday, with my wife. It’s been so long since we went for a honeymoon, it’s high time we do so.” I lied professionally, at least, that was what I thought.

“Really?! Honey we should go Rome again! Remember our first honeymoon?!” Asked Smelly.

“Of course I do. You were so happy back then...” I said faintly as I gazed into her brown eyes. I choked a little as I said it. It reminded me of a simpler time, it reminded me when love was in grasp.

“Oh, really now Straw? Are you sure that was what you wanted to say?” Asked Jizzy. It sounded very suspicious, it sounded as if he knew everything; he did. I looked at Apple, she looked down to the floor, afraid that this revelation would trigger my anger; it did.

“Straw it’s my fault okay. I accidently took the paper out. Don’t blame Apple.” Explained Ribenaberry.

“Shut up Ribena! No excuses!” I scolded her, I did not care who was at fault, I wanted to blame someone for my own mistake, I wanted to be selfish.

“Sayang! Why are you scolding her?!” Now my wife was curious and loud.

“Straw this is your fault too okay.” Said Apple.

“Yeah uncle Straw, you reap what friggin sow.” Said Mushyberry.

“What are they talking about?” Asked Smelly.

“Nothing honey, nothing you should worry about. Just shut up okay, all of you!” I shouted after attempting to calm my wife.

“Then what’s this?” Said Jizzy calmly, throwing the annulment papers on the dining table.

Smelly rushed to the table to fill her curiosity hole which was bigger than a bird’s nest. She read through it slowly and thoroughly, proving her personality of a perfectionist. I could only hope that she would not get angry. I could only hope and leave everything to god, I wished that she would not lose control of herself. I only hoped that she could forgive this honest mistake, my honest mistake. Smelly slowly aimed her eyes on mine, and after a few seconds, her eyes were watery. I could see it clearly; tears were coming out from her eyes. My heart dropped harder than a nuclear bomb. My heart was shattered into a million pieces when I saw her cry. Apple closed her eyes, wishing that the ground would swallow her up; giving her a route to escape from this horrid reality. Jizzy could only spectate. Smelly marched to me slowly but surely, she fisted both of her palms, lifted them up, and landed them swiftly on my chest as her head looked down. It was strong, it was supposed to hurt physically, but my pain receptors were long numb when I saw her tears. I tried to apologize, I tried to give her a hug to say that everything was going to be all right, but I could not do it, I could not move. Smelly looked down, her knees gave up on her, she was now on the floor.

“Am I that bad of a wife?...That you are going to leave me...for your cousin’s wife?!” Shouted Smelly as she scried.

“I did not say I was leaving you for her.” I tried to lie, yet again.

“How dumb do you think I am?!” You two planned this!...”Smelly was now angrier than she was sad.

“Please Smelly, calm down, it was an honest mistake.” Explained Apple.

Smelly got up, walked to her quickly, as if gliding. I knew what was coming next, but I could not do anything. Smelly lifted up the long black skirt she was wearing with her left hand, reloading her right hand with five angry fingers. Smelly went berserk, she gave Apple the loudest slap I have ever heard, and all that was on my mind was ‘Oh shit, don’t tell me I’m gonna kena also.’ Apple fell to the ground, weak and ambushed. Mushy got out of his chair and went to aid his mother. Smelly turned around, looking at me in the eyes. There were no more tears in her eyes, just fiery anger. She was coming toward me, I could feel it. As she rushed to where I stood, I could see Apple getting up, getting ready to ambush Smelly. Apple’s face showed nothing but desire for revenge, and as she conducted her ambush plan on Smelly, Smelly obliviously rushed to land her tight slap on her foolish husband. Jizzy’s eyeballs were popping out like egg yolks being boiled. Everything was happening too fast, everything was happening at once, everything, was going to cause painful noises and noisy pains.

THE END

WILL STRAWBERRY BE HIT BY THE LOUDEST SLAP IN THE WORLD BY HIS WIFE? WILL SMELLYBERRY EVER CALM DOWN? WILL APPLEBERRIE SUCCESSFULY CONDUCT HER REVENGE? WILL MUSHYBERRY JOIN THE SLAP FEST? WILL JIZZYBERRY FINALLY DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN WATCH? WILL ANYONE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO POOR BULUBERRY? WILL PUSSYBERRY EVER GET HIS GUYS’ NIGHT OUT? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE, OF THE BERRIES’ DILEMMA

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep02 - Silverspoon In a Penny

Previously on the Berries’ Dilemma

“He just, he just doesn’t seem to care about me anymore. Like last night, he went out with his bandmates and forgot about our dinner!”

“We should divorce our partners.” I suggested recklessly.

“And then what?” She asked, curiously.

“WE, get married.”

“Bulu I want a divorce. I’m getting married with Strawberry.” Said Apple as she put a high-five backward to her forehead.

“WHAT?!” Replied Bulu, shocked and caught off guard. “But why?! I have given you everything! Pleasure, sex, happiness, money, sex, oral sex, public sex, anal invasion, WHAT ELSE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?” He continued.

“You’re lying!” Accused Apple.

“Maybe I am, but I’m not the one who’s going to be betray our love!”

“All right, I guess that’s everyone. Pussyberry is busy building his wife an underground church, so he cannot make it today. Don’t worry, I’ll LESING him and his wife later.” Said Jizzy whilst smiling. “Now then, let’s get this reunion started.”

Episode 2 – Silverspoon In A penny

Countless sweat was dropping casually as he continued hammering screws to where they belonged. He wiped his forehead for the hundredth time, wondering where his wife was at that very moment. His phone was switched off right after reading Jizzy’s invitation, he knew too well that he was fully booked that night, to resume his lifetime quest. Pussyberry gave another sigh after hours of hammering and moving things underneath his house. He looked down to the ground, thinking of how happy he was back then, back when they were in college, back when Ink Corporated were still unknown, back when they used to call him Synyster Tan. A smile came upon his face as he closed his watery eyes, witnessing starlight as a sole vision.

Everyone was filling up the table. The order was rather awkward, it was different compared to the usual seats. Jizzy did not ask about the sudden change, in fact he did not even notice.

“So how is everyone doing? I assume you’re currently working on the third volume of your novel, Strawberry?” asked Jizzy, he always did this, he always played the boss in this mafia schemed family.

“Yes I am. It’s going to be great.” I replied with a smile, as if I had nothing at all to hide.

“What about you Bulu? I heard Ink Corporated’s third album, “Running on treadmills whilst wearing an underwear” was a platinum hit. Must be a dream come true.” Continued Jizzy, inspecting us one by one.

“It was great, but I liked the first one the most.” Replied Bulu.

“Ahh yes, “Respect, Trust, Faith, Loyalty” said Jizzy while cutting his chicken.

“Grandad Jizzy, I, we, have something to tell all of you present today.” Appleberrie cut in. She could not take it anymore, she wanted to get this over with. I looked at her with a surprised expression. I believed it was not the right time, but she did not care, she went on as she did in the restaurant where I was embarrassed to no end.

“Well what is it?” Asked Jizzy, curious and impatient.

“.....I....I’m....” Stuttered Apple, I could tell she was afraid; afraid of being judged, afraid of the unknown, afraid, of the hatred.

“She’s sick! She has a fever and she needs to go home.” I tried to cover. I knew it was not a good one, I knew they could tell it was a lie, but I did it anyways.

“And how would YOU know, uncle Straw?” Asked Mush, I could feel the hatred within him, to him, I had destroyed their family.

“Is she really sick Bulu?” Asked Jizzy as he pushed Kitty and Ribena aside, who were feeding each other chicken.

“If you mean sick of our undivided love then, yes, she is” Said Bulu in the most dramatic way.

“All right, what’s happening here?” Asked Smelly, finally getting into the conversation after finishing her food.

“Straw I think you should tell her.” Said Apple.

“Tell me what?” Asked Smelly, for the first time in a few months, she was asking me more than one question in one night.

“That...I...want....a......” Before I could finish, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and I could not believe my eyes. Seashells, was flashing on the screen. I gazed into my wife’s eyes, I could tell she wanted an answer, then I looked at Jizzy, he was clearly expressionless. I knew what I wanted to do, I did not care if it was not the right thing to do under the circumstances, I dashed and exited the hall, and answered the call, leaving the others behind with at least a dozen question marks. Ribena and Kitty were happily eating, as if the drama had never happened, as if there was only the two of them in the room.

“OH SHIT” Cursed Jizzy. Everyone was looking at him, afraid that this sudden drama had triggered his anger. “Zombi Kampung Pisang Part 2 The Zombie’s Revenge started already!” That was it, and everyone gave a sigh of relief.

Bulu’s phone rang a minute later, he looked at it, and saw Pussyberry Tan on the screen. He smiled, informed everyone and picked up the phone.

“Hey man, it’s me.” Initiated Pussy.

“Yea I know, how are you man, haven’t heard anything from you since the last album.” Confronted Bulu.

“I know man, I’ve been busy.”

“Busy becoming contractor right?”

“Ahha... Hey, do you guys, wanna go out? Like old times, 5 of us, and DOTA.” Suggested Pussy.

“Actually...” Bulu looked at the others. “I was thinking the same thing. Let’s meet up tonight.”

“Cool, call Mirul Vengeance oso.”

There was a long pause before Bulu answered ‘ok’. For the first time in this lifetime, Bulu was disappointed in his cousin. It was noticeable, there was now a gap between some of us, a gap that could not be filled with a few patching or plasters o even, love. What we needed was guidance. What we needed was for someone to tell us the truth, and for the Ink Corporated, there was a special someone for this, and they called him....Z Shadows.

“Sorry Jizzy, I’m gonna go and meet up with Pussy, I’m gonna go pick up Egg too.” Informed Bulu.

“Isn’t my son in boarding school?” Asked Smelly, curious and confused.

“He was on a break since last week. He’s been spending it with his fiancé.”

“What?! How come I never knew of this?! Hunny!” Shouted Smelly as she left the hall, finding her missing husband.

“Great, I missed my movie, and dinner was ruined.” Complained Jizzy.

“Eh the curry chicken is nice wei!” Said Ribena, bimbo-ishly.

Jizzy sighed as a sign of frustration. Apple confronted her son and talked about her upcoming plans for the future. She knew exactly what to do, and she had plans if the wedding between her and Strawberry was not going to happen. Mushyberry listened to his mother carefully, as it could be the last honest thing she would ever tell him. Bulu came closer to his wife and son, looked and them, held them, seizing the day and not taking advantage of the relationship they were having now. What they had; the family chemistry and love, everything was going to end soon, Bulu could feel it in his fur. He gave his wife a last kiss on the forehead, and left the building swiftly and silently.

My trusted white Sony Ericsson W666 V200 was held closely to my ear. I was smiling widely as I was on the phone. I did not know what to say, at least, after how we left things before she left for Australia. I closed my eyes, thinking of the right words to say.

“Hey.” It was the only thing that got through my lungs. I was waiting for a reply, patiently waiting, for that single reply.

THE END

WILL SHELLS GIVE STRAW A POSITIVE REPLY? WILL BULUBERRY AND PUSSYBERRY MEET UP FOR DOTA? WILL SMELLYBERRY FIND HER MISSING HUSBAND? WILL JIZZYBERRY EVER GET TO WATCH HIS MOVIE SOME OTHER TIME?WILL RIBENABERRY GET MORE OF THE CHICKEN CURRY SHE LOVES SO MUCH?WILL MUSHYBERRY BELIEVE AND ACCEPT WHAT APPLEBERRIE HAS TO SAY? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE, OF THE BERRIES’ DILEMMA

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep01 - 730 Days of Light

If life was in a form of a soap opera, then it would be something like this.

....A long long time ago, they were mere friends, individuals with common goals, with common interests, with common dislikes. A few years later they were merged, guided by the blinded and hopeless love, forming a bond decorated with the word, berry. Yet what they did not realize was that happily ever after and true love, were yet to be achieved.

2 Years post the holy tidings.

Appleberrie gave me a ring that morning. Apparently there was something to be talked about; something serious, something that shouldn’t be joked about. It was rare for the Berries to have something serious for a conversation, it was rare for me to wake up that early on a public holiday. The weather was charming, the sky seemed to have just been refreshed with light blue palette and the clouds were fondly whiter than usual. That was when Appleberrie came into the restaurant. There she was, casually decorated with the usual surfing shorts paired with a white top. Her hair was messy, I couldn’t tell if it was that thing or the other. She rushed to the table, ignoring the menu and the waiter.

“I can’t take this anymore.” Initiated Appleberrie, recklessly and impatiently.

“Your long hair? Yeah I think you should cut it.” I replied with a smile.

She gave me the assassin stare, a warning that it was not the right time to joke. I wore my serious mask, hoping that it would satisfy her liking.

“My husband!” said Appleberrie.

“What about my cousin?” I asked with an innocent tone.

“He just, he just doesn’t seem to care about me anymore. Like last night, he went out with his bandmates and forgot about our dinner!”

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to support my cousin. I was their part-time song writer, but Appleberrie seemed to be in need of a helping hand or two.

“Why oh why is this happening?! WHYYY?!” pled Apple. The whole restaurant was looking at her, but she didn’t care. She had clearly forgotten that I was with her, probably unknowingly embarrassed me as well.

I told her about my similar problem. My wife had also stopped caring about me. I could not tell if she even cared about me in the first place. She would fry me our family goldfish and cat for my meals, and none of them were pleasant, but I ate them anyway. We all got married so quickly we didn’t think about what was coming next. A storm was brewing, aiming at our family. I could feel it, I could feel the unwanted wind blowing through our route, and yet, the weather continued to stay charming and handsome that day, ignoring the fact that the Berries were going into the dark ages for the first time.

“We should divorce our partners.” I suggested recklessly.

“And then what?” She asked, curiously.

“WE, get married.”

I could tell she was thinking. I could tell she was considering this reckless idea. I could tell she was as angry and disappointed as I was. She nodded as an agreement. That, was when everything was going to change for our family.

The next day we all received an e-mail from our head family, Jizzyberry.

“Eh you all, tomorrow we should go watch movie. My favourite movie is out tomorrow, ‘Zombi Kampung Pisang Part 2, the Zombi’s Revenge. Before that we should have dinner at my house. I expect you all to be there, or else I will LESING all of you.”

My phone was ringing again, it was screaming ‘LLAMA, LLAMA, LLAMA’. It was Appleberrie. She had readied the annulment papers for Buluberry. The divorce was happening, it was happening now. She came over to the mansion by the hills that I had bought for my wife, and yet, she was never home. We drove to Buluberry’s house in Penang. I remember the very sentence he said when I asked him of that state; more chinese food here.

“Heyyy broooo” greeted my cousin.

“We’re here, with bad news Bulu.” I said.

I looked at Apple, waiting for her to initiate the storm. It was going to be nasty. The storm, was finally hitting.

“Bulu I want a divorce. I’m getting married with Strawberry.” Said Apple as she put a high-five backward to her forehead.

“WHAT?!” Replied Bulu, shocked and caught off guard. “But why?! I have given you everything! Pleasure, sex, happiness, money, sex, oral sex, public sex, anal invasion, WHAT ELSE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?” He continued.

Apple looked to the floor, reminiscing all the pleasure she had received on the floor in that house. Then she looked up, secretly asking god for aid. A single tear was sliding down her left cheek as Bulu fisted both of his arms in distress, followed by a girly stomp to the floor.

“I’m sorry Bulu, I just, feel, unwanted.” She closed her eyes, waiting for Bulu to reply.

Bulu rushed over and slapped his wife. I was too shocked to move, my knees grew weaker, as if I had just jizzed in my pants, maybe I did. Apple was in shocked, and acted according to her reflexes. She slapped Bulu like a counter-attack in pokemon.

“EH! Why you slap me?!” Scolded Bulu.

“You slapped me first”

“That was because there was a giraffe crossing rudely by your face!”

Apple was in shocked. She could not believe what her current husband was saying. It was no use. Bulu’s lie did not work. Apple was not a bimbo anymore. Her ignorance and bimboish days were long gone right after she became a mass-comm student. Bulu knew too well that his wife’s dumb days, were finally over.

“You’re lying!” Accused Apple.

“Maybe I am, but I’m not the one who’s going to be betray our love!”

Apple gasped with her eyeballs popping out. Bulu nodded arrogantly as if saying, ‘Fight that back bitch’, in fact I think I heard him say it.

“I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to leave this paper here for you to sign.” Confessed Apple.

“And where are you going to sleep tonight?!”

Mushyberry came into the scene, shocked and confused. He had seen his parents fighting before, but nothing like this.

“What’s going on?” Asked Mush.

“It’s your goddamn mother. She’s betraying us with your uncle.” Said Bulu.

“What, but why?! I thought you were doing a good job satisfying her dad!”

“Oh trust me son, I was.”

“I’m leaving. I guess I’ll see you all tonight, at Grandpa Jizzy’s.” Said Apple, and then we left, without a word, but a million traces.

Later that night...

Apple and I were in my Porsche, parked outside Jizzyberry’s house. We braced ourselves for the worst scenario. That night, we were going to confess our unholy union, and also, my unexpected separation. We marched to the gigantic wooden door that led to the triple stories mansion that belonged to our family head. We held hands, and in her handbag, lay my annulment papers. We opened the door slowly, pretending as if we were in a dramatic scene. We never realized how much truth it had until it happened. There she was, Smellyberry, my beautiful wife, soon to be ex-wife, sitting by the long rectangular table, surrounded by our head, Jizzyberry, Kittyberry and his wife, Ribenaberry. I looked at her, my wife, staring at her food. I could tell she was hungry. She had always loved spicy food, that was one of the million reasons why I married her. She looked at me with her tired eyes, I felt it, she was tired and sad. I let go of Apple’s hand, looked at her, and later at my wife. A sad piano tune was playing in my head, and that was when Bulu and his son came into the hall.

“All right, I guess that’s everyone. Pussyberry is busy building his wife an underground church, so he cannot make it today. Don’t worry, I’ll LESING him and his wife later.” Said Jizzy whilst smiling. “Now then, let’s get this reunion started.”

Bulu was staring at his wife, she was staring at the floor. I was captivated by my wife’s eyes. She was busy looking at the curry chicken. Kitty and Ribena were hugging, and Jizzy, was being Jizzy, smiling widely, oblivious to the fact that his family was decaying like a pendulum; slowly but surely, falling apart.

THE END

WILL STRAWBERRY AND APPLEBERRIE GET MARRIED? WILL SMELLYBERRY EVER STOP STARING AT THE CURRY CHICKEN? WILL BULUBERRY STOP HIS DIVORCE? WILL JIZZYBERRY GET TO WATCH ZOMBI KAMPUNG PISANG 2, ZOMBI’S REVENGE? WILL PUSSYBBERRY EVER FINISH HIS UNDERGROUND CHURCH? WILL KITTYBERRY AND RIBENABERRY EVER STOP HUGGING? WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THIS WHEN I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE, OF THE BERRIES’ DILEMMA.

Defragmentation overload

I feel like..writing about what's going on with my life right now. Nothing personal, it's just plainly being self-absorbed :D.

I have been much lazier and vain than usual. Always find myself being caught in the same snare over and over again. Always find myself looking down into the darkest hours of my life. Always find myself not appreciating the good things I have in my life, including my friends. I have officially transformed into a being I always hated to be. I have become, a modern failure.

Then again what is failure anyways...Is it becoming something you don't wish to become? Is it not meeting expectations? Or rather is it just another brand to personalize the biggest stepping stones. A brand as a catalyst, or a brand to destory hope and faith. I guess that depends on how strong a person really is.

I have stopped playing basketball. Haven't played for quite a while, almost a month I think. I've started gaming seriously again. Ragnarok, PSP RPGS', NBA 10 Dynasty mode. I find myself being sucked into a warphole to again, failure.

I stopped believing in myself. I stopped believing that I'm one of the best writers around. I stopped believing that my dreams are just attempts away, and sadly enough, I have stopped believing in the immensity of love.

I guess I have officially lost myself, again. Someone lead me back! >.<