The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep01 - 730 Days of Light

If life was in a form of a soap opera, then it would be something like this.

....A long long time ago, they were mere friends, individuals with common goals, with common interests, with common dislikes. A few years later they were merged, guided by the blinded and hopeless love, forming a bond decorated with the word, berry. Yet what they did not realize was that happily ever after and true love, were yet to be achieved.

2 Years post the holy tidings.

Appleberrie gave me a ring that morning. Apparently there was something to be talked about; something serious, something that shouldn’t be joked about. It was rare for the Berries to have something serious for a conversation, it was rare for me to wake up that early on a public holiday. The weather was charming, the sky seemed to have just been refreshed with light blue palette and the clouds were fondly whiter than usual. That was when Appleberrie came into the restaurant. There she was, casually decorated with the usual surfing shorts paired with a white top. Her hair was messy, I couldn’t tell if it was that thing or the other. She rushed to the table, ignoring the menu and the waiter.

“I can’t take this anymore.” Initiated Appleberrie, recklessly and impatiently.

“Your long hair? Yeah I think you should cut it.” I replied with a smile.

She gave me the assassin stare, a warning that it was not the right time to joke. I wore my serious mask, hoping that it would satisfy her liking.

“My husband!” said Appleberrie.

“What about my cousin?” I asked with an innocent tone.

“He just, he just doesn’t seem to care about me anymore. Like last night, he went out with his bandmates and forgot about our dinner!”

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to support my cousin. I was their part-time song writer, but Appleberrie seemed to be in need of a helping hand or two.

“Why oh why is this happening?! WHYYY?!” pled Apple. The whole restaurant was looking at her, but she didn’t care. She had clearly forgotten that I was with her, probably unknowingly embarrassed me as well.

I told her about my similar problem. My wife had also stopped caring about me. I could not tell if she even cared about me in the first place. She would fry me our family goldfish and cat for my meals, and none of them were pleasant, but I ate them anyway. We all got married so quickly we didn’t think about what was coming next. A storm was brewing, aiming at our family. I could feel it, I could feel the unwanted wind blowing through our route, and yet, the weather continued to stay charming and handsome that day, ignoring the fact that the Berries were going into the dark ages for the first time.

“We should divorce our partners.” I suggested recklessly.

“And then what?” She asked, curiously.

“WE, get married.”

I could tell she was thinking. I could tell she was considering this reckless idea. I could tell she was as angry and disappointed as I was. She nodded as an agreement. That, was when everything was going to change for our family.

The next day we all received an e-mail from our head family, Jizzyberry.

“Eh you all, tomorrow we should go watch movie. My favourite movie is out tomorrow, ‘Zombi Kampung Pisang Part 2, the Zombi’s Revenge. Before that we should have dinner at my house. I expect you all to be there, or else I will LESING all of you.”

My phone was ringing again, it was screaming ‘LLAMA, LLAMA, LLAMA’. It was Appleberrie. She had readied the annulment papers for Buluberry. The divorce was happening, it was happening now. She came over to the mansion by the hills that I had bought for my wife, and yet, she was never home. We drove to Buluberry’s house in Penang. I remember the very sentence he said when I asked him of that state; more chinese food here.

“Heyyy broooo” greeted my cousin.

“We’re here, with bad news Bulu.” I said.

I looked at Apple, waiting for her to initiate the storm. It was going to be nasty. The storm, was finally hitting.

“Bulu I want a divorce. I’m getting married with Strawberry.” Said Apple as she put a high-five backward to her forehead.

“WHAT?!” Replied Bulu, shocked and caught off guard. “But why?! I have given you everything! Pleasure, sex, happiness, money, sex, oral sex, public sex, anal invasion, WHAT ELSE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?” He continued.

Apple looked to the floor, reminiscing all the pleasure she had received on the floor in that house. Then she looked up, secretly asking god for aid. A single tear was sliding down her left cheek as Bulu fisted both of his arms in distress, followed by a girly stomp to the floor.

“I’m sorry Bulu, I just, feel, unwanted.” She closed her eyes, waiting for Bulu to reply.

Bulu rushed over and slapped his wife. I was too shocked to move, my knees grew weaker, as if I had just jizzed in my pants, maybe I did. Apple was in shocked, and acted according to her reflexes. She slapped Bulu like a counter-attack in pokemon.

“EH! Why you slap me?!” Scolded Bulu.

“You slapped me first”

“That was because there was a giraffe crossing rudely by your face!”

Apple was in shocked. She could not believe what her current husband was saying. It was no use. Bulu’s lie did not work. Apple was not a bimbo anymore. Her ignorance and bimboish days were long gone right after she became a mass-comm student. Bulu knew too well that his wife’s dumb days, were finally over.

“You’re lying!” Accused Apple.

“Maybe I am, but I’m not the one who’s going to be betray our love!”

Apple gasped with her eyeballs popping out. Bulu nodded arrogantly as if saying, ‘Fight that back bitch’, in fact I think I heard him say it.

“I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to leave this paper here for you to sign.” Confessed Apple.

“And where are you going to sleep tonight?!”

Mushyberry came into the scene, shocked and confused. He had seen his parents fighting before, but nothing like this.

“What’s going on?” Asked Mush.

“It’s your goddamn mother. She’s betraying us with your uncle.” Said Bulu.

“What, but why?! I thought you were doing a good job satisfying her dad!”

“Oh trust me son, I was.”

“I’m leaving. I guess I’ll see you all tonight, at Grandpa Jizzy’s.” Said Apple, and then we left, without a word, but a million traces.

Later that night...

Apple and I were in my Porsche, parked outside Jizzyberry’s house. We braced ourselves for the worst scenario. That night, we were going to confess our unholy union, and also, my unexpected separation. We marched to the gigantic wooden door that led to the triple stories mansion that belonged to our family head. We held hands, and in her handbag, lay my annulment papers. We opened the door slowly, pretending as if we were in a dramatic scene. We never realized how much truth it had until it happened. There she was, Smellyberry, my beautiful wife, soon to be ex-wife, sitting by the long rectangular table, surrounded by our head, Jizzyberry, Kittyberry and his wife, Ribenaberry. I looked at her, my wife, staring at her food. I could tell she was hungry. She had always loved spicy food, that was one of the million reasons why I married her. She looked at me with her tired eyes, I felt it, she was tired and sad. I let go of Apple’s hand, looked at her, and later at my wife. A sad piano tune was playing in my head, and that was when Bulu and his son came into the hall.

“All right, I guess that’s everyone. Pussyberry is busy building his wife an underground church, so he cannot make it today. Don’t worry, I’ll LESING him and his wife later.” Said Jizzy whilst smiling. “Now then, let’s get this reunion started.”

Bulu was staring at his wife, she was staring at the floor. I was captivated by my wife’s eyes. She was busy looking at the curry chicken. Kitty and Ribena were hugging, and Jizzy, was being Jizzy, smiling widely, oblivious to the fact that his family was decaying like a pendulum; slowly but surely, falling apart.

THE END

WILL STRAWBERRY AND APPLEBERRIE GET MARRIED? WILL SMELLYBERRY EVER STOP STARING AT THE CURRY CHICKEN? WILL BULUBERRY STOP HIS DIVORCE? WILL JIZZYBERRY GET TO WATCH ZOMBI KAMPUNG PISANG 2, ZOMBI’S REVENGE? WILL PUSSYBBERRY EVER FINISH HIS UNDERGROUND CHURCH? WILL KITTYBERRY AND RIBENABERRY EVER STOP HUGGING? WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THIS WHEN I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE, OF THE BERRIES’ DILEMMA.