Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma - Credits

I owe you guys a lot, and some of you might not even know it. Writing this series has turned into an external delight for me, in the midst of all the excitement in college and outside of it. I am glad to have the support that you guys have given me. All this started out as a joke but in the end, turned into something fairly serious in contrast to the irony of its birth; the Berries Family.

I find myself enjoying writing these chapters more and more recently. It is definitely not exaggerating to say that I have somehow, one way or the other, improved my writing throughout all of this, and I am glad.

This is a post, to thank, all of you; the real people who have inspired this, who have supported, read, and commented, appreciate the <3.

Credits(So that I can feel like it's actually a real hit tv show :) YAY)

Appleberrie - Mei

Buluberry - Imran

Pussyberry - Aaron

Holyberry - Jade

Kittyberry - Kit

Ribenaberry - Christine

Jizzybery - Izzuddin

Tinyberry - Serene

Mushberry - Sean CHAIYO

Smellyberry - JQ

Shells - Michelle

Syaz - Syazwan

Belle - Isabelle

Egg - Wai Yik

Z Shadows - Zac

And of course, not to forget, Kevin's cameo as the doctor who took care of imran, Kevin Ion Bates.

Thank you all, once again, and may this series turn out to be something big in the future...I mean it...:P...Now, I'm going to sleep

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma Season 1 Finale - Till The End Of Time

I rushed to the airport as quickly as I could. I wanted to see it for myself, I wanted to know, that she was safe, not because I was in love with her, it was because I cared about her.

Season finale – Till The End of Time

They were countless of people, no matter what time it was, or day, or month, or year, people were always there. The airport was a place I really liked. It was the platform to take us to places, places we forged immeasurable memories. I searched throughout the gates, one by one, looking for the right number. She was going to stand in front of the mentioned gate, waiting for me to find her, and at last, I did.
I smiled, I smiled widely as soon as I saw her standing. She was fine, she was looking better than ever. I marched to her slowly, opened my arms wide, and held her tight. I bet most people would think we were lovers, but the truth was, we weren’t, not anymore, not since college.

6 Hours ago.

“I have to go.” I told my wife earnestly.

“...Then go. Just go and don’t ever come back...” She replied faintly and closed her eyes.

“Don’t say that...When you don’t mean it.” I said as faintly as she did.

“What if I mean it then? What if, what if I say, I don’t love you anymore?!” She started being aggressive.

“Then it’s a lie! You’d be lying, I can feel it...You still love me don’t you?” I asked, desiring clarity.

“Not as much as I hate you right now.” She answered straight to my face. I took a pause before answering. I looked at her, she was angry, disappointed, sad, and tearful.

“I thought you’d forgiven me, after that night. I thought everything was fine after the meeting? When Syaz made us head, remember?!” I asked aggressively.

“Fine? Forgiven you?! You really think it was going to be that easy for me to do that?! You almost divorced me Straw! How do you think I feel about that?! Fine?!”

“...I gotta go..” That was all I could say, and it was all that was said.

The next day – 9.38 a.m

A fine meal for breakfast was all it took for anyone to for a moment, just for a quick moment, forget about recent downfall or unfortunate events. We were having breakfast just like how all of this started that morning, how a single second of foolishness and lust, had led us to the dark age.

“I was worried. You never called, you never told anyone where you went. You just left a freaking note, a note!” I said.

“Haha. Yeah I was pretty pissed.” Apple replied me.

“Not to mention inconsiderate and ignorant!” I added.

“EH pls! Ignorant?! Do you even know who our current prime minister is?” She asked me.

“Well duh, it’s that malay guy with the songkok.” I answered quickly. We both could only smile. “It’s great to have you back. I missed you.” I said after a long pause.

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna be back for good though. I’m going back to Hawaii in three days.” Apple confessed sadly.

“What?! Then why did you come back for?! You could’ve called!” I said rationally but insensitively.

“Oh my god don’t you remember what tonight is?” Apple asked me, and I was caught in my own head, trying to force information out of my rusty cerebrum. “In case you ever remember, I came home for that...Just, for that.”

11.11 a.m

“Finally!Malaysia!” Jizzy said excitedly as they both finished their inspection.

“Great to be home isn’t it?” Asked Tiny.

“You betcha.”

They searched for their new driver, Kino, who came to Malaysia all the way from Zimbabwe. In the limo, Jizzy and Tiny were sitting, with every bit of their energy drenched up from the long flight. They both had the same thing in mind, they both knew the reason why they were coming back earlier than they should.

“So are we really going, tonight?” Tiny asked.

“Well yeah, we came back for it.” Jizzy answered helplessly.

“But I bet no one is even gonna be there. I bet no one even remembers!” Tiny stated strongly, and Jizzy could only stare outside the window, thinking about his wife had said.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go, I don’t wanna drive all the way there for nothing. Plus we have to take the ferry.” Kitty was having the same conversation with his wife somewhere in Penang.

“Yeah, but it’s important dear! It’s only once a year! Remember last year’s?! It was super fun!” Ribena told her reluctant husband.

“That was last year, this year everyone is having a rough time, I bet no one even remembers.” Kitty let out his piece of mind.

1.56 p.m

“Yo man, do you know what tonight is?” It was the first thing Syaz said when Bulu picked up his phone.

“Yea man, are you going?” Bulu asked curiously.

“Of course, isn’t everyone going?” Syaz asked, now he was curious.

“I have no idea man. With how things went the last 2 months, I doubt anyone is gonna remember. Pussy knows now though, he’s next to me drinking his mineral water from his girlish water bottle.” Bulu said while smiling.

“Oh ya, well, we could always call the others, I’ve already packed, I’ll be on my way there in an hour or less.” Syaz told Bulu.

“Oh? Then we’ll pack and meet you guys, let’s go together.” Bulu suggested.

3.12 p.m

“Did you ever think this would happen after college? Me, you, alone, on a road trip.” Apple asked me while I was driving my fully customized Golf GTI.

“Nope, never. Ever since Smelly came along, I...I never thought anyone else would be with me. But hey, we’re not together or anything, it’s just-“ I was cut before I could finish.

“I understand. I mean we’re hanging out, we’re having fun.” Apple said.

“Those were the exact words Smelly said when she asked me to marry her.” I told Apple.

“Oh really? Wait, WHAT?! She asked you to marry her?! What the hell?!” Apple was freaking out.

“Well, yeah, it’s an interesting story that we never told anyone, she told everyone she met that I did it, well duh, I was supposed to, but she beat me to it I guess...Or rather, it was so sudden, I never really thought about it in the first place; proposing to her.” I told Apple while reminiscing the years before, when we were absent from the dark age.

4.24 p.m

The ferry was on its way to the beach. Inside, sat Ribena and Kitty, anticipating what lied beyond the ocean.

“I really doubt anyone’s gonna be here. I can’t believe you talked me into this.” Kitty told his wife for the thousandth time.

“Come on dear, it’s going to be fun. So what if no one is there? We can have fun on our own!” Ribena answered while clinging her arm to her husband’s.

“We have work to do, I still haven’t gotten that designer I wanted for the wardrobe for the movie, and-“

Ribena stuck her right pointing finger to her husband’s lips, indirectly asking him to shut up, and he did.

5.05 p.m

“Is the Tai Ti down?” Pussy asked, and nobody answered.

The four of them were play our family game by the beach, waiting for night to come so they could start the celebration, but it was just an excuse, each of them knew, that they were all waiting for the other berries to arrive. The private island in Terengganu bought by the Berries was more often than not, prohibited. However they were still people there around the year, visiting, indulged in their vacation fever. Most people on the island knew the Berries, the Berries were famous for making the island a hot spot for tourists.

At the same time, in the other part of the island, Apple and I were walking, not expecting on bumping into someone familiar, someone who had ‘Berry’ as one of their identities.

“We don’t have anything for fireworks.” I said.

“Who cares, no one else is here, I don’t even think we’re going to celebrate it.” Apple said with words that were filled with disappointment.

As we were walking, the unexpected became the opposite when Jizzy and Tiny were caught throwing grasp sand to each other. I looked at Apple who was already bursting with laughter.

“Oi!” Apple screamed.

“OII!” Tiny replied the scream. “Oh my god, is that Straw alone with Apple?” Tiny whispered to her husband Jizzy.

“Let them be la, don’t meddle with other people’s marriage.” Jizzy replied with a slower whisper as they both marched closer to me and Apple.

“Didn’t expect to see you guys here.” I said as we got close to each other.

“I could say the same thing.” Tiny let out the words sarcastically. Jizzy hit his wife’s arm from the back, indicating her to stop teasing.

“Is everyone here?” I asked as Tiny and Jizzy exchanged their silent thoughts.

“If by everyone you mean us then yeah.” Cried a familiar voice from behind me. It was Ribena and Kitty, the cheesiest couple in the family.

We exchanged words of unexpectations and later walked unknowingly as we continued our conversation. We talked as if nothing had happened. We talked as if no drama had took place for the last couple of months. We talked, normally. Normal never seemed so wonderful as it was now. We were laughing and kicking sand for numerous minutes. As we closed by the other half of the island, more familiar faces started appearing, this time, they were more than two.

6.31 p.m

“Oh my god, you guys are here!” Apple screeched from a couple of metres away from where Syaz and gang were playing chor tai ti for the fiftieth time.

“Oh hey!” Syaz cried out happily.

“Apple...” Bulu said faintly. It was obvious that was happier than ever to see her safe. Despite all that had happened, Bulu still cared for her as he always did, only difference was, he realized how different his care for her was compared to when they were married, he realized, that the love and care he had for her when they married, were all wishful thinking. It was reality now, and reality finally seemed brighter.

“Hey. You look great. You all look great.”

It had been two months. Most of us stopped talking to each other, but tonight, things were different.

8.09 p.m

Lights were dimmed, they were countless of them given to life by hotels and more hotels, but nevertheless, they were dimmed. We were all laughing and having fun exchanging kept thoughts. It was getting closer to our celebration. I looked and searched, searched hard for this person I called wife, for this girl I was madly in love with. The berries were eating the barbequed chickens and lambs, it was a heart-warming view. I changed failure to a conversation with Apple under a coconut tree.

“Can’t find her?” Apple asked while we were ravishing out chickens.

“Don’t think she’s here.” I said sadly.

“Who?” Belle asked out of the blue, getting into the conversation.

“My wife. My...missing wife.”

“Oh...Where’s Shells anyway?” Belle asked curiously.

“She went back to Australia already, something urgent came up with the company.” I answered.

“Oh..Erm..Listen, about your wife, she’s here actually.” Belle confessed slowly and quietly.

‘What? Where is she?” I asked excitedly.

“In the hotel room, actually we bumped into her while playing chor tai ti, but she insisted on being on her own. She asked me not to tell you though, but, I can’t do that now can I?” Belle confessed everything.

I put down my chicken, it was delicious and irresistible, but it wasn’t as my wife. I got off from the wooden bench by the beach, turned around, and saw her, standing like Ju-on underneath a big tree, deeper by the shore. I walked to her slowly, hoping that every step would make her miss and forgive me more. Fifteen steps. It took me fifteen steps to finally see her beautiful face.

“You know I put down my chicken just to find you.” It was the first thing that came to my mind.

“You look like you’re having fun with your college romance.” She said with an angry face. “I heard you two came here together, how romantic.” She added.

“It’s not what you think.” I tried to convince her.

“Whatever Straw, I came here for the rest of the family, not to see you or Apple.” She said her piece and walked away, and I was left stunned.

Bulu came over to where Apple was. They finally sat in front of each other, facing history right in the face.

“I heard you went to Hawaii. Where’s the flowers around your neck?” Bulu joked.

“I hung it in the room I rented, didn’t think I needed it here.” Apple said.

“Tonight’s gonna be a good night. I mean come on, the chickens’ awesome!” Bulu joked again.

“Haha, yeah, glad I came home for this.”

From afar, Syaz, Belle and Pussy came over with countless woods. They had collected the items needed for our bonfire, they were also things that we wanted to burn, useless things, bitter things.

“Okay guys, we’re gonna light up the bonfire soon, finish up your food and get your brown and yellow asses here.” Syaz informed every Berry outloud.

“Oi! Shit you!” Commented Smelly while laughing. That was who she was. She was always happy around others, she always acted as if she was all right in front of everyone, even when she wasn’t. It was one of her many selfish personalities to not make others worried.

We finished our food swiftly, and gathered around the piled woods.

“All right guys, I’ve saturated these things with oil, all we need, is this.” Said Syaz as he held a lit up stick. “Since 2 years ago, we’ve been here, at this very spot on this day and time, to celebrate what we are now, to celebrate, the day the Berries were formed, the day, we became a family.” Syaz acted his part as the senior of this family. “Straw, you are the man with the baton now, give a speech or something, I did it for two straight years, now it’s your turn.” He added.

“Owh, all right then.” I said and came forward. Syaz handed me the stick, and I held it proud. I cleared my throat loudly before started talking. “This year, has been hard for us, for most of us, but in a way, we have matured. Nobody said it was going to be easy, nobody said we were going to be happy forever, but nobody also said anything about how to deal with this, with marriage, with trust, with love. Nobody said anything, I guess we just have to figure it out by ourselves.” I stopped and paused before resuming. “I messed up a lot this year, and there is no apology in the world that could take everything back, but they say, that forgiveness is an act of god...So why not we forgive? I am not asking you, to forget what I’ve done, I am asking, for forgiveness. I am truly sorry...But tonight, tonight, is a special night. This was the day that we were formed, the day we all sat at this very spot, being blissful and loved so fiercely, cared so strongly, hugged so tightly. So let’s make tonight, after two exact years, the reincarnation, of the Berries.” And I stopped.

Everyone was looking at me, everyone had their own thoughts and ways of thinking. After an awkward silence, Belle clapped sarcastically and everyone followed with a smile on their faces. I placed the lit stick gently onto the pile of woods, and there it was, the bonfire that marked the Berries’ second year anniversary.
Some of us continued eating after the bonfire was born, obviously it was them. Some of us went to Syaz’s room to retrieve fireworks that Syaz had brought from Melaka, and the rest of us, were mending broken hearts, including our owns. I caught my wife staring into the fire alone. I marched to her, this time with normal speed, this time, with less hope.

“You know we’re literally destroying the environment right?” Again, it was the first thing that came to my foolish mind.

“Yeah.” She said with a faint smile on her face.

“You are becoming so bad. Remember the first year we did this right after graduation, and you said that you weren’t gonna do it next year, but you did it anyways?” Before I finished the question, she was already laughing.

“Hahaha. Yeah I remember. You said you find nice girls doing bad things to be sexy.” She said with a smile on her face.

“Oh yeah! I still find it sexy.” I turned my head rightward with hopes that she would look at me, and she did. “Where do we go from here Smelly?” I finally popped the serious question.

“I don’t know. For these few months, it seems as if, we’re going nowhere.” She said with an expressionless face.

“Then let’s go somewhere! Anywhere’s better than nowhere!” I replied rapidly.

She didn’t say anything, or maybe she couldn’t, either way, I did something I’d been wanting to do for the last 75 days. I held her tightly within my arms, shut my eyes completely, all we could feel was each others’ warmth, and echoes of the bonfire. In our hearts, we knew, we were the definition, of ‘Till the end of time’.
Bulu, Apple and Pussy were using empty talks to past time. It was a regular talk that became irregular since some time ago. It was the kind of conversation we would have during college, a conversation that reminded me, of normal.

“By the way, where’s that girl? The one who almost became a Berry.” Bulu asked insensitively.

“Oh, I don’t know man. Haven’t talked to her since, you know, the Holy thing.” Pussy responded, and Apple gave Pussy a pat on the back as comfort.
The remaining Berries returned to the bonfire with what seemed like limitless fireworks. Syaz had this evil grin on his face as soon as he looked at Bulu. They were probably plotting something evil.

11.59 p.m 11.11.2016

We scattered around the bonfire. I was finally holding hands with my wife again. Bulu, Apple and Pussy had past the awkward period and became family again, Kitty and Ribena got to eat countless chickens, Jizzy and Tiny were talking about cleaning bathrooms again, Syaz and Belle finally got to spend time with the family. It was a good night, no, it was a miracle, the miracle that we craved and prayed for. Syaz and Bulu placed the fireworks in order, and all that was left, was for us to light them up. We all got into positions with lighters in our grasp, and smiles on our faces. We had a countdown before lighting them, and as soon as it was over, the sky was filled with fiery lights and smoke, decorated with our screams of joy.


The night-sky was bright and hazy, I took my wife’s hands and ran to the hotel with her. Everyone else was outside screaming joyfully, and in the midst of the sentimental celebration, marched a figure of a woman, closing by the bonfire. Every Berry stopped and stared, trying to figure out the sudden intrusion. It didn’t take long for them to realize that it was no mere intrusion, or intrusion in any kind at all, it was her, the girl who should have been one of us Berries. It was a special night for all of us, but for Pussy, it was judgement day


Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep15 - Our Home Is Our Love

Episode 15 - Our Home Is Our Love

We all gave it a rest. We gave each other a well deserved rest. It had been two months since the showdown in Pussy’s house. I was kicked out by my wife when she found out I smoke 2 days after, but it was not only because of that. I lived with since Pussy since. Bulu was still living in his house with Mush, although they spent most of their times at Pussy’s, bringing his bass guitar, creating musical fusion. Jizzy and Tiny flew to Arab for business concerning Petronas. Smelly kept herself busy for the last 2 months working and sleeping alone. Kitty and Ribena were traveling everywhere, gathering up the best cast and crew to create this movie he was planning, and Apple, nobody ever saw or contacted her since 2 months ago. We never talked to each other about what happened after that night. We all moved on, living the past behind. Nevertheless, history had this creepy ability to catch up to us no matter how far or fast we ran.

It was a perfect morning after a night none of us could forget. Pussy had a party last night to celebrate their new song. It was the first one ever written after their last platinum album. It was already noon by the time we woke up.

“You know we can’t keep going on like this.” A familiar voice told me as soon as I got up from the couch. It was Bulu. I gave a long sigh before I replied.

“Yeah I know, I thought we were just, taking a time off.” I stated.

“I don’t mind having you guys around, but we need to get our lives back man.” Now Pussy was into the conversation.

I took a look at my phone, praying and inevitably hoping that my wife had text me, or called me, or something, but there was nothing.

“We should go get breakfast.” I suggested.

Somewhere in KL, Smelly was having a meeting with her crew about the upcoming shows.

“We need a new approach, a gimmick. Everything has been going great so far, but it’s time we take it up a notch. Does anyone here have any idea how we can do this?” Smelly asked.

“How bout having family over at your work place?” A familiar voice came from the back.

“Mush!” Smelly shouted excitedly.

“Good afternoon, I er, thought I should, lend a helping hand. That ok?” Mush asked.

“Of course of course. Everyone, this is my nephew.” They exchanged hellos.” All right, now does anyone have a serious answer?” Smelly asked again.

“How about we have life bands performing after each show?” Asked a female voice.

“We already have that.” Smelly said.

“We have singers sing, but not ACTUAL bands with their own, guitarists and whatnot. Rock music is famous these days.” Suggested the female voice.

“Not a bad idea, and I know a few people from the music industry.” Mush confessed. Smelly smiled happily, but Mush knew that it was fake, she was thinking about her family, she was thinking about her other life that was falling apart.

Mamak was always our favorite, let it be when we were rich or poor. SS15 was still as famous and packed as ever.

“Anyone heard from the rest of the family recently?” I started the conversation that afternoon.

“Not really, aside from being told that some of us were leaving for work, nope.” Bulu answered.

“So Apple still hasn’t contacted any of us?” I asked while looking gloomy.

“Nope, I really hope she’s fine.” It was Bulu who replied me again.

“I guess going to the police, is a bit too much?” Pussy finally spoken.

“Since she left us a note then, yeah, I guess there’s nothing we can do.” Said Bulu.

We weren’t very talkative that afternoon. We patiently waited for our food while being silent, but we weren’t daydreaming, or fantaszing about hooking up with a Hollywood actress, we were thinking, thinking hard about this unsolved problem. I was missing my wife more than ever. Bulu was thinking about the girl she wanted to marry, and Pussy, was also thinking about his first serious love which took place a year before college ended. For the past 61 days, there was not a single second where either of us didn’t think about love. There was a time when we promised to ourselves to never take advantage of the love we had, to never sabotage the happiness god had given to us, but that promise wasn’t kept, it was broken only 2 years after being made. It took us over 20 years to realize how golden love was, yet we kept on being foolish, for what reason? Temporary pleasure, bad judgement, over excessive shots of tequila? Or tempting triangles? Whatever the reason was, nothing was worth giving up our hard earned love.

In the middle of our quiet lunch, Pussy’s phone starting buzzing. It was Jizzy.

“Hey man.” Pussy answered.

“Hey, eh could you tell the others that I’m coming home in 3 days? Just in case you guys are wondering.” Jizzy informed.

“Yeah sure sure, how are you man? Hows Arab?” Pussy asked.

“I’m good I’m good, how’s Arab? Very sandy man, I can’t wear slippers at all!” Jizzy replied.

Pussy could be seen laughing and enjoying his talk with someone from the family.

“I think, I think I’m gonna go back home, and talk to Smelly.” I told Bulu ask Pussy continued his phone call.

“Yeah I think it’s about time man. And I think I’m going to search for her seriously now. As you know, I DO have connections.” Bulu said sarcastically.

“Haha, so you’re gonna stalk her now?” I asked with the same amount of sarcasm.

“If that’s what it takes to get to her hol- I mean, HEART!” And I couldn’t help but laugh.

After lunch, we went back to Pussy’s to pack our stuff. Bulu was going to go around looking for his love, and I wanted to get mine back in one piece. We exchanged thanks and temporary goodbyes, and good lucks in executing our desires successfully.
It didn’t take long at all for me to reach home. That evening I was already unlocking my door, hoping that my wife was in a good mood. I opened the door, and found her having a big laugh with a familiar figure on the couch.

“Mush?” I asked from the front door.

“Oh, uncle Straw, you’re home.” He said in awe.

“Yeah…Yeah I thought it was time for me…Smelly could we er, could we talk?” I asked earnestly. She put on her angry face in an instant.

“I think I er, should leave.” Mush said awkwardly.

“Come back tomorrow and we’ll discuss about the project again.” Smelly informed Mush loudly, hoping to annoy me to no extent.

“Aye yai boss.” Mush replied and left.

“I see you two, are having fun.” I said after Mush shut the door.

“What do you want Straw?” She asked rudely.

“I want my life back.” I told her.

“So you haven’t been living for the past 2 months is that what you’re saying?” She was being sarcastic more than usual.

“Look you know what I mean! I need to live here again, and I need you. God, do you know how much I missed you?” I continued.

“Oh? Not calling or leaving a message to say that you’re fine for the past 2 months, REALLY really convinced me that you missed me.”

“So you were worried?”

“I told you…I-.I don’t care anymore.” She was breaking, that solid wall she created, was being destroyed. She was tearing on the inside much more than the outside.

It was one of those moments when the guy would hug the girl, and everything would turn out all right. I knew it was, I was about to do it, until my phone started ringing. Inevitably I took it out, looked at it, and saw the caller id. I picked it up with Smelly tearing in front of me. I knew I shouldn’t have answered any phone call, or let anything at all to ruin this epic moment, but I had to pick it up, I had to.

“Where are you?” I answered the phone while staring into my wife’s crystal brown eyes that were twinkling, twinkles that were refracted by her pure colorless tears.



Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep14 - Love To Take Minutes Like These

Episode 14 – Love To Take Minutes Like These

Time measured our life. Let it be in hours, or minutes, or seconds. We were told that time had the ability to heal. Time had this remedy that was slow but effective, and worked in mysterious ways. Measuring and using time wisely would make us better people, like using a few minutes to call an old friend, or to clean your room, or to clip your nails. These little minutes affected us more than we knew, but what if we wanted time to pass by not doing anything? What if something terrible just took place with only time as its healer? Would we be strong enough to wait for time to pass by by doing meaningful chores, or doing beneficial work? Would we be able to carry on as if nothing happened? Some of us did, and some of us, didn’t feel like doing anything for a while.

“So let me get this straight, in one year after I left,, you almost divorce your wife and got together with your college fling, Bulu had an accident and DID divorce his wife, Pussy gave his house to Holy so now he’s basically homeless but with money, Tiny and Jizzy were fired as the head of the family, and Syaz and Belle are back in town, wow.” Shells was summarizing everything up to me.

“Not really, well, everything happened in er, less than a month? Yeah...” I corrected her minor error.

“You people are, messed up.”

“Well thanks for reminding me.”

“Wait, so, if I am getting this clearly, this means that all this actually started with you!” She stabbed me right through my heart.

“OWH! How rude! It was me AND Apple.” I tried to lessen my guilt.

“Oh of course of course, you couldn’t have done it on your own now could you?” She was being as sarcastic as she was before she left.

“Oi oi, this is not why I invited you for coffee this morning all right.”
It was a good morning. Having a cup of coffee with an old friend felt right in healing or rather, plastering recent, wretched events. It had been a week since I last talked to my wife. It had been a week since Pussy gave his house to Holy and made his heroic statement. It had been more than a week since most of us were actually happy.

“So what are you going to do? Since you are somehow responsible for this.” Shells asked the millionaire question.

“Actually, I wanted to ask YOU about that, do you have any idea how I can fix this?” I answered her question with an earnest one.

“Hmm, this is tough. Have you tried apologizing?”

“To who? My wife? Yeah. I did.”


“She ignored me.” I said disappointedly.

“Give her some time, and apologize again. AND, you should also be apologizing to everyone, even if you did them no wrong directly, you did do wrong to them indirectly. Like Jizzy and Tiny.” Shells explained wisely.

“Okay okay, I’ll do it, later, or something. Enough about this, how’s working as a project manager of a multi millionaire clothing company?” I changed the troubled topic.


She began explaining to me terms that I could not comprehend, but I listened anyway. Of course, she explained to me in human terms minutes after.

Walking on a four inches heels, with expensive jewelleries dazzling on parts of her figure, Smelly was typically rushing to work. Her talk show, JQTV, that went on air once a week, was put on hold a few days ago, hence making her busier than ever. She answered her phone that was ringing louder than her usual voice. It was one of her workers, asking about their next guess.

“Look I told you, we’re not going with that singer anymore, we’re going with an actress. I pay you to listen to me, not to make your own suggestions! I know he’s good looking and famous, but the last thing I need is some hot shot, preaching about love and relationships. Get that actress if you love this job.” Smelly took command and showed who the boss was.

Kitty was at home, explaining to his wife about his upcoming movie, a movie that he expected to be bigger than his last, which hit a total profit of 8 Million ringgit.

“So this movie that I’m planning to make, is about this guy, a homeless guy, he’s a loner but with a big heart. He wants to make a change for the world, but he needs to do something big effectively, and that is when he learns how to-, are you even listening?” Kitty stopped and asked.

“This movie..Is going to make more than eight..eight...EIGHT million ringgit?! Do you know how much food we can get with that? We can hire the best chefs in the world!”Ribena was fantasizing her dreams.

“Erm, no, we’re gonna invest that money into the housing properties I was looking at the other way, no way we’re gonna waste this money for food.” Kitty unload his intentions, and Ribena gave her husband the angry cat’s face.
Bulu, Pussy, Syaz, Belle, Mush, Egg and Z were shopping for houses. Pussy needed a place to stay, he refused to reside with any of us, he wanted to get his own place, preferably smaller than this previous one, and with no hidden chapel built underneath it.

“This one looks good. 3000 square feet, 4 rooms and 2 baths. It’s the ideal duplex condo. Great view too.” Bulu said while looking at a long haired chinese girl who was watering her plants next door, and seconds later, the rest of the guys looked at the tempting view too.

“Yeah it’s great, how about this, I’ll pay half more of the price if you let me keep the furniture and air conditioners.” Pussy told the house dealer.

“O-Of course! Hope you enjoy your new home!” The dealer said.

“Damn rich right you?” Egg asked.

“I haven’t been spending a lot recently. Mostly at home regretting.” Pussy replied sadly.

“But those dark ages are over! It’s time for a new start!” Z tried to comfort Pussy.

“That’s right, it’ll be all right soon, don’t worry.” Syaz and Belle were trying to comfort Pussy too.

In their mansion, Jizzy and Tiny were on their couch, watching television and criticizing the actors and actresses in it, and how typical the storylines were.

“I don’t understand why someone would be wearing that kind of clothes for a regular lunch outside. It’s ridiculous! I tell you, malay movies ah, trying to portrait that we like to overdress.” Jizzy complained to his wife.

“Yeah! And plus Malaysia is like, ten thousand degrees hot!” Tiny replied.

“And what’s with these commercials? MTV really needs to get new people to work on their commercials. They don’t make sense at all!” Jizzy continued his list of complaints.

We both sat there thinking, thinking about the most effective way to fix everything, but neither of us thought anything good. Shells didn’t get home solely to talk about the problems, she also had other people to see and surprise. I wasn’t the only one on her list. Knowing that, it was inevitable for us to part ways.

“Don’t tear your head out over this all right. Just take some time off.” Shells advised before leaving.

“I think I’ll go home and apologize to my wife. Should I get flowers and stuff?” I asked.

“Yeah that would be better. Wait you buy flowers now?” Shells asked, shocked.

“Erm not really, just because I should doesn’t mean I’m gonna.” I said.
We smiled, we hugged, and she left. I couldn’t wait to get back home. I drove as fast and as safe as I could. On my way back, my phone started ringing. ‘Bulu’ was on the screen.

“Yeah?” I answered.

“Dude do you know where Apple is?” He asked over the phone. He sounded worried.

“Not really why?” I asked curiously.

“She left a note saying she’s leaving. All of her stuff is gone and, I can’t contact her. Where do you think she went?” Bulu asked, he was obviously concerned.

“What? I don’t know man. I’ll try calling her.” I told Bulu.

“Aite, seriously, dude, I need to find her man. I don‘t want her to do anything stupid because of me, and you too.” Bulu reminded me.

I felt bad. Not because I felt at fault, but because I was caught up with this apology that I was going to do. I felt bad because I was not that concerned as I was with apologizing to Smelly. I wanted the marriage to be fine and great again, not stable just because we’re responsible for everyone.

“Hey.” I said as soon I saw her sitting next to the aquarium where goldy resided.

“What were you doing last night?” She asked slowly.

“Hm? I told you, I went out with the guys. We had a few drinks, well they did, I drank some coke.”

“Was that it? Was that everything that you did?” She asked again, this time, with hidden intentions.

“Er, yeah.” I lied honestly.

“You know how I feel about you smoking, and lying, and sneaking around my back.” There it was, the secret was out. We both kept silent for a while. I couldn’t bring myself to apologize anymore. I needed to get myself out of this one first, but before I could say anything, she continued her speech. “I don’t know who you are anymore, you used to love me more than anything in this world, you were one of the good guys, one of the better men out there, but now, I don’t know who you are anymore. Recently all you’ve been doing is lie to me.”

“That’s not true!” I said it, but I didn’t actually mean it.

“I can’t take this anymore. I don’t understand you, and I don’t really care...I want you out of this house by tonight.”

I looked at her, and all I could feel, was not hatred, but something worse, named disappointment. Life got darker for all of us, but the world continued spinning, ignoring our plead for help



The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep13 - After + Math = Aftermath

Episode 13 – After + Math = Aftermath

Being in high places at night, often made people think. Present multiple cigarette boxes, a single lighter, teasing breeze, and more than 2 companions sitting with you near the balcony, and you were bound to preach life. Some of us were smokers, and some were not, but we all did it anyway. Having a shitty period was not an excuse for us to toy with tobacco, it was more of a reason.

We were sitting at the top of Syaz’s old mentari house. Miles and miles away, we could view the moving lights and hear various sounds clearly with a little help of customized imagination and a few puffs of Dunhill lights. Pussy was almost broken, he did what he had to do, with pride as a lion, yet that did not make it easy for him to swallow it. He spent 2 years, trapped in guilt, and married out of carelessness. He took yet another puff of Bulu’s cigarette, looking like he had something to say.

“Life’s getting tough man.” He started the long awaited conversation. Sitting by him were Syaz, Bulu, Jizzy, Mushy and myself. We all wore our troubled masks, some sitting and standing as if posing for an album cover.

“Yeah man, and I thought getting through college was tough” I replied.

“College was good stuff wei.” Commented Bulu.

“I’d do anything to go back.” Added Jizzy.

We all looked at Syaz for him to say something. He took a long puff as we looked at him, and replied seconds after.

“Life’s been great for me since college, till now.” He said and smiled, and we sighed in frustration as Syaz smiled widely.

“I thought that we were invincible man.” I said with regrets.

“You and Smelly?” Asked Bulu.

“Not just us, all of us, I thought we could get through anything, everything. We have the money, we have the power, and we have love.” I explained wisely.

“We HAD love.” Pussy corrected me. Everyone kept silent, and took another long puff from their cigarettes. I stared down from 20 floors high, and at times, I wish I could go back in time by jumping down.

“Looks like things are starting to get better, right?” Ribena started speaking after the girls had their dinner. Surrounding the table were Tiny and Smelly.

“Better than your house at least.” Commented Tiny while rolling her eyeballs, scanning Ribena’s messy house.

“Haha! Good one!” Commented Smelly.

“Oi! I’m being serious here ok!” Ribena tried to assure everyone of her seriousness.

“I don’t know anymore, and I don’t care. All I know is, Smelly, I hope you’re not going to disappoint us now that you’re head of the family.” Said Tiny.

“It should be okay, like she said, things are starting to look better.” Smelly shared her insights.

“Things are not looking better man.” I told the guys. “My wife is probably still mad at me about the divorce thing, Pussy’s had his house given away, Bulu is smoking more than ever, and got the friggin accident, Mush now has separated parents and Syaz, is having his friggin time of his life being happy!” I continued, and everyone smiled widely but not as wide as Syaz did.

“Don’t forget that you’re smoking, which should make your wife angrier than she already is.” Mushy continued the list.

“Sigh...Whatever.” I said in distress.

“Where the hell do we go from here man.” Pussy asked.

“I don’t understand why you guys have this drama. You guys have been married and together with your partners less than me and Belle. You guys got together with your partners about 2 years ago, and already you guys are facing this? What the hell right?” Syaz preached wisely, and again, it got everyone to shut their mouths, grasping the cigarette with our lips.

“2 years isn’t that long.” Smelly told Ribena and Tiny. “I thought that this year would still be our honeymoon year, but apparently it’s already DIVORCE year. God I wish he’s here to hear this.” Said Smelly.

“Who?” Asked Ribena foolishly.

“STRAWBERRY LA!” Tiny and Smelly shouted to the owner of the house.

“So...Where do we go from here?” Asked Tiny.

“How about accepting my apology Smelly?” Apple’s voice came from behind Smelly. Everyone looked behind, surprised of the sudden invasion. “The front door was unlocked.

“How did you know we were here?” Asked Smelly with slight anger.

“Straw told me.” Answered Apple.

“Oh of course you would be talking to my husband.” Smelly replied with sarcasm level 10.(Maximum level btw)

“Look this isn’t about him, it’s about you and me, I’m sorry all right, it was a mistake.” Apple apologized.

“I told you, I’m not angry at you, I just don’t want to see your face, ever again.” Confessed Smelly.

“Fine, accept my apology and you’ll get what you want, but know this, Straw and I, we’re just friends now.” Apple said her piece and left.

“...I thought..you guys were ok already?” Asked Ribena.

“Ok is not the word, just because I’m quiet it doesn’t mean I’m ok with it.” Explained Smelly.

“I don’t know when things are gonna be ok man.” I told the guys. “ Can’t believe all this started out with an honest mistake.” I continued.

“Look at it this way, thanks to you, I got to be honest with myself and Apple.” Bulu tried to look at the ever-elusive silver linings. “And at least Pussy is free now, you shouldn’t feel guilty anymore dude. It was not your fault, nor hers. Both of you made a mistake, right now you guys are just fixing it.” Bulu continued his presentation of optimism.

“That’s right la man!” Jizzy finally said something.

“Shuddup la you you’ve been quiet all this time suddenly wanna barge in.” Syaz started his famous teasing lines. All of us couldn’t help but laugh as hard as we used to do during college. In the midst of the laughter, the intro of ‘Anything’ by Mae started playing in my right pocket. I took out my back up phone, Sony Ericcson Satio XXI, and saw SHELLS flashing on my screen, and all of a sudden, things did not seem as bad as they were before.



Monday, January 18, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep12 - From Across, I Will Shade You

Episode 12 - From Across, I Will Shade You

People were made to be kind. We were, but somewhere along the path most of us got misled. We were misled to think the bad in people. Whenever someone decided to do something drastic, something that seemed mean, something that seemed irresponsible, we were misled to think that that person was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Why couldn’t we believe that maybe, just maybe, that person, was doing something that seemed irresponsible, out of kindness, out of care, and out of love? Leaving a loved one, stealing for a loved one, divorce, why couldn’t we see the silver lining in all these so called, irresponsible actions?

We saw through it that night though. As unbelievable as it was, there was no doubt that what Pussy was planning to do, had honorable intentions. It might seem selfish, it might seem as if he was running from his responsibilities, but what was hidden was that by running away, he was already fulfilling his responsibility.

“I can’t believe they fired us!” Screeched Tiny who was impatiently sitting next to Jizzy in their Mazda RX69.

“YEAH!” Replied Jizzy energetically while driving.

“And what’s worse, they gave our baton, to Straw and Smelly?! They were the ones who caused this problem in the first place! Now we’re the ones to be blamed for this?!” Tiny continued her complaint.


“Is that all you can say?!” Asked Tiny angrily.

“Y…Yeah?” Later, there was just silence.

Pussy’s heart was beating through his chest. We could tell by his face expression that he was not expecting this, and by ours’, every soul could tell we were panicked, every soul could tell, we wanted to go back home.

“Why is there a chapel underneath the house Pussy?!” Asked the angry Holy.
I couldn’t tell what Pussy was going to say. I could only tell that even the best liar in the world could not get away from this unscathed.

“And why are you hooligans here in-, underneath my house?!”

“It’s good to see you too.” Belle spoke out of the blue.

“I didn’t say it was good to see you. In fact, I find it saddening, and disappointing to find you, and the rest of you anywhere near my house!” Scolded Holy.

“Holy! Why are you blaming them for what happened?! It’s my fault okay! And yours too!” Now Pussy was angry.

“Me?! I’m to be blamed for getting myself pregnant illegally?!” Asked Holy sarcastically.

“If you’re blaming me for what I did, then you should blame yourself too because we were BOTH drunk!” Pussy came up with his comeback rather fiercely.
Holy shook her head in disbelief. She was angrier than she ever was. She did not care that there was a chapel built beneath her house, she did not care about the words that were coming out of Pussy’s mouth, all she wanted, was for everyone to leave her alone.

“Get out of my house, all of you!” Commanded the lady.

We all looked at each other, then to Pussy. All of our eyes were on him. We were patiently waiting for him to say the words he was supposed to say, or rather, the words that he planned to say. They were words that were able to set him free, they were words, that could make him the happy man he was.

“Holy, I have a proposition.” Said Pussy. Holy looked at him with impatient eyes. She could not wait, but she had to. “I know that this is what you want, so I will give it to you. I shall leave you, and live elsewhere, but at the same time, I shall give you whatever you need to take of the child. House, clothes, money, food, basically, anything.”

Everybody was waiting for Holy to say something. She looked down, quiet and silent for at least two minutes. We could not see what she was doing, we could not tell. The two minutes, the silent minutes that past us by seemed like eternity, and as what seemed like eternity ended, droppings of tears were bloomed, portraying either a broken heart, or a refined one.

“All this, was a mistake…” Said Holy while tearing. She covered her face with her gentle fingers and palms, broken and sad.

“This if for the best.” Continued Pussy. He did not know if it was true. Theoretically, it was the best, but who knew how Holy really felt. We did not know for sure if she was as strong, confident, and independent as she claimed to be. She could have been fragile, she was definitely lonely. Pussy thought of the possibility of repeating something, the possibility of repeating, a mistake.

“ACHOO!” Ribena sneezed as hard as she could.

“My god…”Complained Kitty who was driving slowly, as if he was love cruising.

“Haha, I kind of pity Jizzy and Tiny.” Said Ribena after a rather dishonest laugh.

“I feel the same too, but what can we do?” Asked Kitty who felt the same as his wife.

“We could complain to Syaz!” Suggested Ribena recklessly.

“No, what we should do, is just leave them alone. I’m really tired with all this drama, and more than half of them are not even our fault! Remember last time when we were living together in the huge castle by the hill?” Asked Kitty who was recalling the time when the Berries just got married and living together in a castle.

“OH my god yeah, all of us used to argue about the noise at night.” Ribena
too remembered their similar problem back then.

“Haih, Belle and Apple wouldn’t be able to stop moaning so loudly at night, Straw wouldn’t keep the hall tidy, Syaz and Bulu would invite too many people into the house and get way too drunk, Tiny and Jizzy only took care of their room and wouldn’t clean the rest of the house for some odd reason, Pussy’s guitar was too loud, Egg and Mush well, they were just adopted then so no complaints, and Smelly…She was never home.” Kitty listed the problems caused by everyone before.

“Yeah, but we always finished the food.” Said Ribena while smiling, and all her husband could do for a reply, was a bigger smile.

We were all now anticipating what Holy was going to say next. She was tearing for all the right reasons, we knew that much, but what no one knew, was how she felt about the proposition.

“You loathe me, I can’t change that, but I want to take care of you because I know I am responsible. But since you can’t even look at me without feeling pissed, I might as well leave, and take care of you from the other side.” Spoke Pussy wisely.

“I…I don’t loathe you. It’s just that, I…”Holy was choking between words, and she was too choked up by sadness to continue on. She was on bended knees, staring at the floor while tearing. Pussy went closer to her, went on bended knees, put his left hand on her right shoulder, lifted her chin upwards with his right fingers, and spoke.

“I’ll make sure you’re safe, always, from the other side.”



Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Berries' Dilemma S01 Ep11 - Passion Beneath An Opera

Episode 11 - Passion Beneath An Opera

Music and lights were intertwining without fail throughout the roof and the circular walls. The floor was invisible to naked eyes, or to any eyes, it was too dark, too noisy to comprehend, too packed to find a loop hole to view the ground. Nearly a million people were jumping, shouting their hearts out to sing along with the band. Ink Corporated, was finally at its peak.

“How are yall doing tonight?!” asked Z, filled with energy and adrenaline.

Almost everyone shouted back, indicating that they were having the night of their life. “Our next song, is the first song that we ever wrote, I don’t know if many of you have heard of it, it was written by us all, not to forget Amirul Fikri a.k.a Strawberry who was our song writer back then! This is called ‘Now I’m here’, FUCKING ENJOY IT!” Again, people started shouting with anticipation, and when the music played, the cheers got louder, and seconds later, everything faded, they were quiet, they wanted to listen to the band, they wanted to listen to real music.

Ironically, that was their last song, and people shouted more for an encore. Ink Corporated played a cover of ‘Careless Whisper’, and their fans could not be more satisfied. The band went backstage, as they always did after each concert, and they didn’t think that Australia would be any different. Like usual, the ladies were piling up the backstage, wanting to get an autograph, or a hug, or even a kiss from the band members. It varied really, the outcome of after each performance, if they were tired, they would not care at all, if they weren’t, then hugs and kisses would be flying about. That night in Australia, they were too tired.

“Hey guys, there’s a girl out there saying she knows Synyster Tan” Said one of the workers backstage as soon as he entered the band’s resting room.

“What? That can’t be, she’s working in Egypt.” Said Pussy.

“No sir, its not your sweetheart, according to her, she was your classmate.” Replied the worker.

“Bring her in then. I’m too tired to go out.” Commanded Pussy.

“She has two friends with her along though, that ok?” Asked the worker.

“Are they girls?” Asked Z and Bulu simultaneously.

“Yes they are, and mighty fine, I might add.” Answered the worker.

“THEN BRING THEM IN!” Said Z with excitement.

Bulu did not care he was married at that time. It had been one year after he married Apple, and things started to become different, he stopped caring about his one-year old marriage. He started having second thoughts, he started, wanting more. 3 girls dressed in blue, red, and white shirts and black skirts came in.

“Oh my god, it’s you!” Said Pussy.

“Yeah, HI! See, told you girls I knew this band.” Holy told her friends.

“Wow, you’re like, the last person I would think of coming to a place like this!” Commented Pussy.

“Yeah, I really needed a break, I just finished my exams so.” Informed Holy.

“You know what, why don’t you 2 lovely girls come with us, and let these 2 catch up?!” Invited Z, and the 2 girls agreed. Bulu and Z went out with them smiling, their drummer, Mel, was sleeping soundly by the couch.

“Gosh, how long has it been since college?” Asked Holy.

“I don’t know, 2 years plus?” Suggested Pussy, and Holy agreed bluntly.

They were both talking like old lovers, they were something about that night, the two of them just seemed, perfect. What would have been more perfect was if, Pussy didn’t already have a steady lover. The intro to MIA started playing in Pussy’s pocket, his phone was ringing, he took it out, it said, “Baby calling”. She was calling her boyfriend, she missed her boyfriend. She was in Egypt doing graphics editing work with her company, and here her boyfriend was, having a flirtatious conversation with an old classmate, a female classmate. Pussy decided to not answer the phone call, and mentioned to Holy that the one calling, was a nobody.
They went out, both of them, each with an intention of getting drunk. Pussy needed a break, and so did Holy. They went to an open bar. The owner knew Pussy, the owner gave them bottomless liquor. Before they knew it, they were both drunk than ever.

“You know, I never knew you were…such an INTERESTING guy!” Commented Holy. She was way too drunk to be ethical.

“WELL, always was, you never noticed oni!” Replied Pussy.

“SO does the lead guitarist of a really famous band, have, a girlfriend?” Asked Holy. She did not even realize what she just asked. She did not even want to know.

“WELL…Not right now!” Answered Pussy smiling, and both of them started laughing out of the blue.

“GOOD ANSWER!” Said Holy.

They were staring into each others’ eyes. To them, it felt right, it felt short, it felt like forever. They were too drunk to comprehend what they were doing, they were too drunk to feel shy, they were too drunk, to be dishonest. Both of them said nothing, both of them did nothing but stare, until they got closer, and closer, and closer, and later, their lips touched slowly and willingly. They felt each others’ soft lips, and nothing else mattered. One thing led to the other. Before they knew it, they were in a 5-star hotel room, both dressed with only robes, and nothing more.

Both of them kind of knew what they were doing, but they could not stop it. They were half sane, and half insane. Pussy knew what he was doing was wrong. He was cheating on his steady lover, and Holy, was just too drunk to comprehend right or wrong.

“Z, you know where Pussy is?” Bulu asked Z. They were both at the park, having a nice walk with 2 of Holy’s friends.

“No idea man. I guess they went somewhere to PLAY.” Replied Z.

“Then maybeeee, we should play with each other as well.” Said Rozy, one of Holy’s friends.

“That is a good idea Daisy!” Commented Z.

“It’s Rozy.” Corrected Rozy.

“You wouldn’t mind that when we’re in bed, trust me.” Said Z with confidence.

That was basically their monthly lives. Tour around the continent, casual sex and dates, casual drinks and fun. They made more money than they could ever imagine with the band, they made more fans than they thought possible. Life was well for them, life was going great. Then again, they were at their peak.

“I love you.” Confessed the fully drunk Pussy to Holy. They were now both without clothes, under white sheets.

“I, love you too.” Replied Holy while smiling. It was not the innocent smile, nor the shy smile, or even the happy smile. It was the high that made her smile, but Pussy did not care, nor Holy. They were both too high and drunk to not consummate. Pussy got up, switched off the lights, and let the performance begin. Passion was presence, lust was definitely too, all that was left, was for the script to be carried out. Underneath it all, Pussy had forgotten the most important thing of all, he had forgotten, his protection.

The morning came much later than anticipated. The night was far too long to be remembered fully, but then again, they were drunk. The sun was beaming, being the annoying alarm for the drunk lovers. Pussy opened his eyes, and Holy was sleeping neatly under his arms. He frowned, trying to remember what exactly happened. His phone rang, he thought it was the first time that afternoon, but he soon found out that it was the 25th missed call, by his lover in Egypt. Pussy panicked, he was sweating as if he was the one in Egypt. He dialed Bulu’s number, and no one picked up. He did not realize that Bulu and Z had done the same thing that night, only difference was; they had protection.

Pussy was at lost, he wanted to call somebody, until somebody called him first. It was his girlfriend again, probably worried and missing him much more than ever. He picked up the call.

“Hello.” Said Pussy.

“Oh my god babe! What happened? Why weren’t you answering your calls?” Asked his lover.

“Well I-”

Before Pussy could finish, Holy was already awake, trying to comprehend what happened. After she did, her eyes were wide opened after finding out that both she and Pussy, were naked underneath tainted sheets. Pussy choked in the middle of his phone call. He knew what was coming, he knew what Holy was going to freak out.

“Baby?” Asked Pussy’s lover.

And before he could cover, Holy screeched as hard as she could, and after the 3-second screech, there was the awkward silent that could have lasted an instant and at the same time, forever. That was the moment of truth, that forever changed, Pussy’s life.